SEC Championship Game

On Sat. December 6, we went to the SEC Championship Game in Georgia! We had a great time going to the Fan Party and watched the Alabama pep really.  I even got my face painted.  It was a really fun experience that I hope we can do again in the future.  This game was a lot of firsts for us.  It was Andrew's, Cathy's, and Mike's first Bama vs. SEC Team.  2) SEC Championship game 3) First Game in a Dome

What's next?

It's been really emotional these last couple of weeks.  I feel as though I'm in a nightmare that I can't wake up from.  I was finally starting to get excited about this pregnancy.  My mind was racing over how excited our parents were going to be at Christmas when we told them that we going to finally have a baby and how fun it would be to plan summer birthday parties at the pool.   I took four pregnancy test to make sure that I was pregnant.  I was doing really well except for the exhausted feelings that I was having.  I noticed some spotting at the beginning of the week and then yesterday morning I had even more.  So, I called my neighbor to sit with my kiddos and called my dr., who was able to work me in.  So we go, and I had been preparing myself for the worst.  They wanted to get a result for themselves so I give them what they needed.  My dr. came in to start asking me questions and how all of this went.  She told me that they got a negative result I told her that I had four positives one Monday and Wednesday and then two Saturday morning.  Then she said this was another miscarriage and then said she wanted us to go to a fertility specialist to get more test and blood work to figure out what was really going on.


Yesterday we went to our first fertility appointment.  I had been really nervous and almost to the point to get back on birth control to give my body some time to heal.   I have to say I was really impressed with the nurses, staff, and my dr at Fertility Associates of Memphis.  They were all so nice to us and for a dr to sit and talk to a patient for over 10 minutes was wonderful.  He actually talked to us for over 30-45 minutes and seemed really concerned as to why I kept miscarrying.   He ordered blood work and an ultrasound to check out how my organs were looking since the last miscarriage two weeks ago.   The lady drew about 12 tubes from me and 1 from Andrew.  They will test for genetic issues as well as hormone levels.  Drawing so much blood from me, made me feel bad for the rest of the day.  I did manage to finally get up all our Christmas decorations since it helps with the pain and sorrow we have experienced during the month of November. 

I pray that this fertility road we are going on will not be a long one.  Miscarriage is tough and I don't want to go through another one.  I have had some great friends who have encouraged me and allowed me to cry with them on the phone as they told me their story.  I know everything has a purpose and a place.  I hope I can encourage someone else one day that may be going through the same. 

Our Stage in Life

It seems as though society has a set goals for people in our age bracket.  It seems as though, we should have children by now, working full time jobs, and have a house in the suburbs.  Well, we have two out of the three and are now kind of not in a rush to have the third.   We do want children, but I have to say it's freeing to know that I don't have to keep a child on a schedule and work around it.  We also desperately want to move to Nashville within the next year.  Having Andrew driving to Nashville at least once a week is really hard.  It's harder now because I don't have school to keep me busy whenever he's not at home.  I have three handsome fellas that I keep during the week that I'm enjoying my baby fever with.  I do want children, and it is hard for me to see single moms and teenagers walk around with a baby on their hip.   I struggle daily with why God allows this to happen when Andrew and I are in a committed relationship and want to bring a child up the way we were raised.  We have talked about children many times and have come to the realization that we will miss the time that we have just us.  I have to say that I really do enjoy getting to spend as much time with Andrew as I can when he's home.  Especially now that I'm not rushing off to class or have a ton of homework to do before we can spend time together.  We both want children but are waiting until God decides to give us one.  I have cried a lot over the last few weeks about our miscarriage.  I lost it one night, before Andrew left to go out of town, that at 10pm we went outside and buried the positive pregnancy test.  I have to say that it was very freeing to me to finally lay to rest our miscarriage.  I also had a moment over the weekend the night before a baby shower for a dear friend of ours.  I have to say that my miscarriage is nothing compared to what she has been through.  She has had more loss and heartache than me.  She finally had to in vitro  to get pregnant.  I cried because I was so excited that they are having a baby and for the fact that I just had a miscarriage.  The struggle of a miscarriage is real and unknown to many because they haven't had one.  I will have to say that I'm working through it and praying hard to get over it.   I have always wanted to be a mom and will get there when God allows.  I have to also admit that I lost my composure in Thailand in a market when I heard an 8 week old baby cry.  I really wanted to ask if I could hold the baby but didn't have an interpreter there  to help me.   I decided to write this post because I'm sick of society telling us what is normal for people our age.  When did society tell us what we should and should not do? I want to be able to tell my children that it's ok not to go along with society and that making your own way is just fine.  I'm not trying to offend anyone but come on.  Allow us to be the adults that we are and not put any pressure on us to follow what society says is normal for people our age.  Andrew and I have a great life and are enjoying it.  He has a really cool job and I'm enjoying staying at home so I can see him when he is at home.   I know we have been together for a long time and that we should already have a baby but it's not in our hands.  It's in God's hands on when He allows for us to have the next stage in life.


I want to leave this post with a bit of scripture that was in one of my quite times this week.  Habakkuk 2:3 (New American Standard Bible) "For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay."

Thailand Part 1

We have returned home from Thailand, and I'm already trying to figure out when I can go back.  I had a great time and had some real eyeopeners.  It was a great trip, and I learned about myself and have never been this far out of the country.  I met some amazing people and ate some wonderful food that I cannot wait to share with Andrew.  Many people tried to talk me out of going due to the miscarriage and the government issues that were going on in Thailand.  I was very determined to go on this trip due to all the heartache Andrew had experienced the few weeks before.  We were trying to move to Nashville to be closer to Andrew's bus pick-up.  We finally got an offer accepted on the house we wanted in Nashville with the promise we could selling our home here within a few days.  We had quite a few people interested and were given offers, but nothing like we wanted out of our house.  So we lost our house in Nashville and decided to take ours off the market.   We are not sure as to why we couldn't sell the house and make want we needed to move.  I know we are both heartbroken, but God will use this for His purpose.    Andrew was happy that I could go in this trip and have fun since everything seemed to not be going in the way we wanted it to go.  I also had $500 left on my trip balance the week before.  It was not in our budget for us to pay for it out of pocket.  The whole week before, all I could do was to pray that the money would come in.  I got a phone call from Stephen, our Mission's Pastor, the day before we left telling me that my trip balance had been paid in full.  I owed nothing.  I was in shock for hours because my prayer had been answered.  I kept telling Andrew that if God really wanted me to go on this trip then the money would come, and it did even if it was the day before.  I couldn't cry because I was so shocked.  This made me even more excited to go to Thailand.  The first night there I realized that I'm a very spoiled American due to the size of our room and how it was not extravagant hotel that I like to stay in.  I was not fully prepared for what God had in store for me during this trip.  We left on Sunday, June 8th and flew back on Friday June 20th.  My heart is completely changed for international missions and for the people I met.  I took over 800 photos on this trip and printed over 500.  I can say I got a little picture happy.

 Holly and Stephen.

 This is Maggie my room mate!

 These photos were somewhere over Russia, and the screen showed about where we were on our flight.  It was beautiful!! 

This is in Tokyo!  I can now say I've been to Japan! 

 

The flights were good.  We had a little turbulence on the flight from Tokyo to Bangkok due to the rain storm that we were flying over.  They fed us good on these flights.  I felt like we were eating every two hours! Delta is the way to go if you're going to fly international!

Not sure what to title this post...

             Back in October of 2013, Andrew and I decided that we were ready to start our family and that we would have my birth control removed in December.  If something happened, I would be graduated and ready to take on a full role of being a mom without the headache of adding school to the mix.  December came and we went to my OB appointment together.  Not bad at all, and they told us they would see us again when ever we found out we were pregnant.  January, February, and March passed and nothing had happened.  Then April rolled around and I started to feel a little different.  I decided to take a home pregnancy test, and it was a faint positive.  I started to cry; I was so excited.  I took a picture of it to show to my neighbor, Brittany, when she dropped the kids off that morning to see if it was true or not.  She was so excited and said yes that it was right.  Later that night I went to the Dollar Store and bought 4 more test and took 2 more once I got home.  They both were positive.  By this point, I had told my mom, Cathy, Laura, and Carlie.  Every one of them asked me what did Andrew say.  Well, Andrew was in Nashville working on the new lighting designer for Martina's upcoming tour.  I did NOT want to tell him over the phone.  I really wanted to see his facial expressions when I told him we were pregnant.  So, I told a few white lies when we talked and told him I would see him Saturday morning.  In the mean time, I asked one of my neighbors to make a shirt that said "Daddy's Little Buddy" to take with me so I could tell Andrew that way.  I was so excited to tell him we were finally going to have a baby.  It killed me not to tell him over the phone. 

So Saturday, April 12, I get packed and ready to see Andrew, whom I haven't seen in almost a week and a half.  I cry when I leave because I can't believe that we are finally pregnant.  I also took another test that Friday night before to make sure.  I drove for 3.5 hours and make to the shop where Andrew was working and called him to come out side to meet me.  I had the shirt hidden in one of our Advocare boxes that I had to bring to him.  He looks through the box and stopped at the shirt.  He stared at it for a minute then looked at me.  I told him we were pregnant and he gave me the biggest hug.  He was like me, couldn't believe it happened that quickly.  We then told Mike and Grandma, and then told my dad and Brooke on Sunday.  Everyone was so excited.  

At this point, we were waiting for our new insurance to take affect and had to wait to see the doctor until after May 1.  I also wanted Andrew to make every doctor's appointment that he could.  So, due to scheduling we finally made our appointment for May 19th.  I was so excited.  I really loved May 19th because it was the day I graduated High School and the day that Andrew proposed.  We both get up really excited because at this point I was 10 weeks along and we would have been able to see toes and fingers.  

We got to my appointment early and they saw us rather early as well.  We go back to the back and talk to everyone and told me the things I should and should not be doing while pregnant.  Next was the ultrasound.  So excited to finally see the baby, I have been praying so hard for.  Andrew and I were taken to the room and I got on the table.  By this point I was so excited my blood pressure was really high.  She placed the wand on belly and began to move it around to find the baby.   Then she began to measure the womb that she saw.  Andrew and I were looking closely and we don't see anything.  The lady decided to do another form of ultrasound, and we still do not see a baby.  She walked out to tell the doctor something, and I immediately started to cry.  I had felt all the pregnancy symptoms but not anything too bad.  I was doing fine on the nausea if I ate every three hours or so.  They asked us to walk back to another room and the doctor came in.  She said that there was no baby and wanted to do blood work to check my pregnancy hormone levels and to come back on Wednesday to redo the blood work.  Once we got outside, I lost it.   I cried all the way home and put myself in our room for the rest of the day.  Andrew cried with me and held my hand. 

So, Wednesday we go back and they tell me that I am not pregnant.  I could choose to let my body take care of it on it’s own, have a D&C, or take a pill to get the process going.  Andrew and I decided to have the D&C and they would call me Thursday with the results and would we would go from there.  That was the longest 24 hours of my life (and I have had some serious medical issues in the past).  They called me and told me that my hormone levels had dropped and that I would be getting a phone call about the date and time of the D&C.  I posted a status about what was going on and several women contacted me through private message and told me their stories of this every same thing happening to them.  I cannot thank these women enough for their support and love that shared to me.  Their words of wisdom really helped me in my decision to go through with the D&C.

Wednesday May 28, I had the D&C.  I cried when they started asking me questions, when I saw a pregnant nurse that was going to be caring for me, and once they wheeled me back into the room to have the procedure done.  I hated this experience and do not wish this on anybody.  Once I woke up, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.  I was in a little pain but nothing I couldn’t handle. 

Today as I’m typing this post, I’ve cried and thought about all the emotions that we have experienced in these few short weeks.  I know God has something bigger in store, and we will have to wait.  I am still going to Thailand, which means we leave Sunday! I need this get away.  On top of this experience, we’ve had trouble getting ready to move to Nashville.  I know all good things come to those who wait! (And trust me, we are definitely waiting!).  I’m to finish this post with a verse that a dear friend shared with me during this experience: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
-Psalm 34:18.

Graduation!!

Finally, on May 10th, 2014, I walked across the stage of the Jackson Avenue Center of the University of Mississippi Campus to receive my degree! I had one more class to finish after graduation and decided to take it in May Intersession to get it over with.  I have finally finished something that I have worked so hard to achieve, which I will not receive my actual degree until September since not all the the requirements for May graduation were completed before actual graduation.  In September, I will have a Bachelor's Degree in General Studies with Minors in History, English, and Education.  Andrew ended up having to travel with Martina and was unable to attend, however, having all sides of the family made it worth while. 

It was a great day and we met the rest of the family for lunch at Harvey's afterwards!