How much I have changed since moving to Daphne.

This move has been somewhat difficult for me for many reasons, but over and over again, I have been reminded how much this move has been amazing for Andrew and I.  I have left a job that I loved and moved away from some of my closest and best friends.   I have had some doubts about whether or not this is where we are suppose to be and if I'm here for the right reasons.  I went to a baby shower a couple of weeks go and once I got home I cried due to the fact I miss our Anna and our other babies so much.  I will say it again the fertility journey isn't for the faint of heart.  However, due to these hardships, I have met some of the most amazing women who are becoming some of my best friends.  Andrew and I have been talking about how much we love City Hope because of how real everyone is with whatever is going on in their lives.  I love how open and honest I can be about how much I struggle with not being a mom and know that there is no judgement, and they cry right along with me.

Our message this week has been on Friending and how to be a better friend.  These ladies that I have talked about in the previous paragraph have helped make the move for me so much easier.  With their openness to take me in and make me feel so much at home has been such a blessing to me.  I can't say thank you enough.   To have several ladies now that I barely know to just stop what they are doing to pray over Andrew, myself, and my womb is something I have not really experienced before at church.  Yes I have had people pray over me before surgeries and during small groups but not in a church setting in the middle of the Commons or foyer. I had a lady pray over me on Sunday night and it is very much a blessing.  I feel like I'm learning something new about myself every few days or so.  I'm not the same girl who walked into our first church after Andrew and I got married.  I am not the same person I was two years ago once our fertility journey started.  I'm learning about myself that I need to be a better friend, reach out more, and to be more honest with what's going on in my personal life.

I would honesty have to say that this move has made me go grow up so much more than the move to Tunica/Hernando when we got married.  I also at times haven't been very nice about having to move.  Timehop can be and has been an enemy when a person is trying to put something behind them; such as buying our first home and reliving a happy/sad memory of when I found out we were pregnant for the first time.  Andrew and I are fully on our own and have had to learn more about ourselves.  I have to say that I am more in love with my husband now and to watch him love his job brings me so much joy.  I'm loving how we are able to be more social as a couple instead of just me or him doing something with our friends.  His attitude and over all happiness is something that has been missing from him, and I see him overall in much better place than what he has ever been in.  I'm seeing how much bolder he is in his faith, and it makes me want to be better with him.  There is so much more joy in our lives, and we have been missing that with each other and within ourselves.  I've been seeking God so much more and looking for His guidance, but I'm still not where I should be.

We have our first visit with the fertility clinic in Mobile on Friday.  I still have my moments of whether or not I am ready to fully go down this road.  I am interested in finding out what our chances are of having another miscarriage, which is always on my mind.  I know it's the enemy who is trying to steal my joy and what God wants out of my life.  I dream of caring our children across the beach and reading them bed time stories.  I know it's all in God's time, but I am very much human and my patience isn't always the best.