Back in October of 2013, Andrew and I
decided that we were ready to start our family and that we would have my birth
control removed in December. If something happened, I would be
graduated and ready to take on a full role of being a mom without the headache
of adding school to the mix. December came and we went to my OB
appointment together. Not bad at all, and they told us they would see us
again when ever we found out we were pregnant. January, February, and
March passed and nothing had happened. Then April rolled around and I
started to feel a little different. I decided to take a home pregnancy
test, and it was a faint positive. I started to cry; I was so
excited. I took a picture of it to show to my neighbor, Brittany, when
she dropped the kids off that morning to see if it was true or not. She
was so excited and said yes that it was right. Later that night I went to
the Dollar Store and bought 4 more test and took 2 more once I got home.
They both were positive. By this point, I had told my mom, Cathy, Laura,
and Carlie. Every one of them asked me what did Andrew say. Well,
Andrew was in Nashville working on the new lighting designer for Martina's
upcoming tour. I did NOT want to tell him over the phone. I really
wanted to see his facial expressions when I told him we were pregnant.
So, I told a few white lies when we talked and told him I would see him
Saturday morning. In the mean time, I asked one of my neighbors to make a
shirt that said "Daddy's Little Buddy" to take with me so I could
tell Andrew that way. I was so excited to tell him we were finally going
to have a baby. It killed me not to tell him over the phone.
So Saturday, April
12, I get packed and ready to see Andrew, whom I haven't seen in almost a week
and a half. I cry when I leave because I can't believe that we are
finally pregnant. I also took another test that Friday night before to
make sure. I drove for 3.5 hours and make to the shop where Andrew was
working and called him to come out side to meet me. I had the shirt
hidden in one of our Advocare boxes that I had to bring to him. He looks
through the box and stopped at the shirt. He stared at it for a minute
then looked at me. I told him we were pregnant and he gave me the biggest
hug. He was like me, couldn't believe it happened that quickly. We
then told Mike and Grandma, and then told my dad and Brooke on Sunday.
Everyone was so excited.
At this point, we
were waiting for our new insurance to take affect and had to wait to see the
doctor until after May 1. I also wanted Andrew to make every doctor's
appointment that he could. So, due to scheduling we finally made our
appointment for May 19th. I was so excited. I really loved May 19th
because it was the day I graduated High School and the day that Andrew
proposed. We both get up really excited because at this point I was 10
weeks along and we would have been able to see toes and fingers.
We got to my
appointment early and they saw us rather early as well. We go back to the
back and talk to everyone and told me the things I should and should not be
doing while pregnant. Next was the ultrasound. So excited to
finally see the baby, I have been praying so hard for. Andrew and I were
taken to the room and I got on the table. By this point I was so excited
my blood pressure was really high. She placed the wand on belly and began
to move it around to find the baby. Then she began to measure the
womb that she saw. Andrew and I were looking closely and we don't see
anything. The lady decided to do another form of ultrasound, and we
still do not see a baby. She walked out to tell the doctor something, and
I immediately started to cry. I had felt
all the pregnancy symptoms but not anything too bad. I was doing fine on the nausea if I ate every
three hours or so. They asked us to walk
back to another room and the doctor came in.
She said that there was no baby and wanted to do blood work to check my
pregnancy hormone levels and to come back on Wednesday to redo the blood
work. Once we got outside, I lost
it. I cried all the way home and put
myself in our room for the rest of the day.
Andrew cried with me and held my hand.
So, Wednesday we go
back and they tell me that I am not pregnant.
I could choose to let my body take care of it on it’s own, have a
D&C, or take a pill to get the process going. Andrew and I decided to have the D&C and
they would call me Thursday with the results and would we would go from
there. That was the longest 24 hours of
my life (and I have had some serious medical issues in the past). They called me and told me that my hormone
levels had dropped and that I would be getting a phone call about the date and
time of the D&C. I posted a status
about what was going on and several women contacted me through private message
and told me their stories of this every same thing happening to them. I cannot thank these women enough for their
support and love that shared to me.
Their words of wisdom really helped me in my decision to go through with
the D&C.
Wednesday May 28, I
had the D&C. I cried when they
started asking me questions, when I saw a pregnant nurse that was going to be
caring for me, and once they wheeled me back into the room to have the
procedure done. I hated this experience
and do not wish this on anybody. Once I
woke up, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I was in a little pain but nothing I couldn’t
handle.
Today as I’m typing
this post, I’ve cried and thought about all the emotions that we have
experienced in these few short weeks. I
know God has something bigger in store, and we will have to wait. I am still going to Thailand, which means we
leave Sunday! I need this get away. On
top of this experience, we’ve had trouble getting ready to move to
Nashville. I know all good things come
to those who wait! (And trust me, we are definitely waiting!). I’m to finish this post with a verse that a
dear friend shared with me during this experience: The Lord is close to the
brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
-Psalm 34:18.
-Psalm 34:18.
