Times have changed

Since my last post a lot of things have changed.  Andrew and I had our hash out session with our dr to let him know what all had happened since starting his clinic in April.  The nursing assistant has been fired from the clinic.  I hate that someone had to be fired but fertility, treatments, and the life that comes with it; isn't fun when you're constantly in an up roar with just trying to get simple things done.

While at that appointment, we discussed what options would be best for Andrew and I to do.  We chose to start fertility treatments and were able to start that day.  We had our first ultrasound of this round and found a cyst on my one of my ovaries.  He said it was fine and would go away on its own.  So we go home and begin treatments.  Boy, I was definitely wasn't ready for all the hormonal changes that I would go through.  I had hot flashes and would freeze Andrew out of the house (which hardly ever happens).  I began a hormotional (hormonal and emotion all together which I got at an Infertility Workshop) roller coaster.  Then I had the stress of having to change the mail order pharmacy because our insurance didn't prefer the one that our doctor recommended.  It was one mess after the other.  I spent hours on the phone to get everything switched over and have it delivered on time.

I went back to the doctor about a week and half later for an ultrasound to see if it was time for me take the next step in this round of treatment.  My numbers were not high enough, and it was normal for them to not be high enough.  I go back two days later, and we find a huge cyst had developed and that I wasn't able to take the next step of this round of treatment.  I was devastated and scared as to what this cyst might be.  We had possibly missed our window for the month.

During all of this,  we have done a lot of praying and talking a lot about what we really should be doing to grow our family.  On the day of my first ultrasound, it was a First Wednesday at church.  We have a big service with all our campuses and have guest speakers from time to time.  I wasn't really feeling up to going so I watched online.  The guy was great and at the end of his message he started to talk about adoption.  He told a beautiful story of how a child needed a loving family and how he and his wife kept telling everyone that if God placed a child on their door step (so to speak) that they would adopt again.  God placed a child in their arms so easily.  I was a mess listening to this story.  Andrew and I have been having this feeling that we should look into adoption and help a child that needs a loving family home.

This message came a week before our church launched a group called Orphan No More.  Andrew and I went to the interest meeting over the summer.  We both felt that the message from First Wednesday was what God wanted us to hear to make us attend the classes that were offered that month.  We have finished the class and have a completely different look of adoption than we did before.  We are not starting the process to get a band-aid baby.  We both want a child to help him/her grow into a productive young man or woman.   At these classes, we've gotten a lot of our questions answered and feel so much better about what it's like to adopt. 

Over the last few years, I/we have gotten so much advice and suggestions.  I tried some and now I'm tired of trying to have the perfect body shape/size, relax, eat right, exercise, sleep well, and not to focus on it.  When you've been in this boat for as long as we have tried a lot of these, but I can't help but be human.  What a person needs during this time in their lives is prayer.  At times, this has taken it's toll on our marriage and on my emotional and mental health.  I'm tired of trying to fit the mode of what it looks like to be just the right size, less stress level, patient, and all of that.   God doesn't call us to be perfect and fitting that mode makes it even more stressful for me.  I've been told to just have fun but when a person who knows that it's only a 23% chance if that for a woman to get pregnant every month.  That statistic blows my mind as I look around and see how many pregnant women that are actually out there.  I'm tired of the stress that fertility treatments have added to my family.  We  are not starting our adoption process to stop the idea of ever having a child of our own.  There's a reason as to why God wants/ed us to go down this journey of fertility, and we are beginning to maybe finally get to where God wants us to be, which is that we are to adopt first then maybe have on of our own.  I have had the heart for adoption since our second miscarriage but wasn't ready to really look into what it meant to adopt.  We have had deep meaningful conversations with our parents about what adoption looks like for us and how they would support us through this journey.  I know adoption can be long and stressful but for me I know there's a baby at the end.

With all that being said, we feel lead to adopt internationally.  I have a huge heart for Thailand and the Thai people.  There is an agency that helps with adoptions from Thailand.  I almost cried when I found it.  While visiting several years ago, I heard a baby cry in the market and wanted to hold the child badly.  This was after my first miscarriage.   After many days of prayer during our fast, we feel lead to adopt from Thailand.  Our journey is about to begin, and I'm so excited to see where it is going.

Please be in prayer for us as we begin our Adoption Journey.  I'm excited about God has in store for us.