As the journal Continues Part One

I was very upset right around this time last year. I had an appointment at the end of July to have my J-pouch checked to see if I could have the reversal soon! Well, when I went to the appointment which made me feel awful, the tech checked it and then I had to go back upstairs to Dr. Cannon's waiting room. We waited there for about an hour because so many people had to look at the pictures of it to make sure that some one didn't miss something.
When we finally got back to a room, she came in and told me what had happened. My pouch was not healing as fast as she wanted it too. Which meant that about 1 more month of living with the colostomy! I started crying right then and there! I didn't care! I wanted it to be gone the next week! I cried the most of the way home! It was awful. I then started asking about my diet. If I really needed to be on a low fiber diet and if I could have a hotdog during the baseball game that I was going to! You can't go to a baseball game without having a hotdog in my opinion! Dr. Cannon said that I could have a hotdog and to watch how much fiber I was eattting. Not to eat to much of it!
To help my spirits, my parents and Carlie thought that it would be a good idea for me to go with them on their vacation! So I went because I was getting so hurt that nothing was seeming to go my way! Everything happens in God's time and not mine! I just didn't understand that part yet!
We went to St. Louis and while we were there the Jonas Brothers were in concert. I wss to go with Carlie to the concert. I had the worst time with my bag on the trip up there. I went throught about 4 bags just on the way. My skin was so red and raw that it wasn't funny. I finally got one to stick, but I was now only down to about 3 bags to last me until we go home. So, I got the local phone book out and started to look up Health Care Supply stores. On Monday, we drove all over St. Louis to a store that carried Ostomy supplies. The lady that worked at the store didn't want to give me directions because she didn't know which way we would be coming from! It took us an hour and a half to find this store! I Mapquested it on my phone. I just hate that they didn't take my insurance! That's one good thing about the company that I ordered from. My insurance covered all the supplies. I paid nothing out of pocket. It did take us a while to find the store, but we did find a Cheesecake Factory and a mall that we stopped at after the Health Supply Store!
That night we went to the St. Louis Cardinals game. I did fine there and even ate that hotdog that I had be dieing to eat! I think that was the high light of my trip! Thank goodness. I was so scared about something happening while I was there that I carried everything I needed! I even carried scissors to cut my bag if I need it to be but was worried that Security would think that they were a weapon of some sort. I made it in there just fine! They didn't even look in the smaller bag that I had.
The game was great, and they won!
The next few days were pretty good. I almost had a heat stoke walking to the car fromt the Arch. My dad had to carry me to the street side where he sat me on a bench with my mom while he went to get the van. I have never felt that way in my life! Another reason I felt bad is because I felt like I was ruining their long waited vacation! But months later I told them that I was feeling that way and they told me that they didn't think anything about it because I was only 6 weeks out of two major surgeries!
We stopped at Lambert's on the way home to eat! I bearly ate many of my food, but I did come home and eat the rest of it over the next two days!
I came on home to Hernando after that trip. I hadn't been home in almost 4 months by this time! I felt good to be at home, but it was lonely while Andrew was a work!
I felt like doing nothing, and I did nothing! Andrew and I seemed to be on two different planets.
I had a hard time sleeping because the raw skin kept burning! I cried myself to sleep most of the time. When I could sleep, I did! Andrew helped me when he could, but he knew that I needed to learn this on my own!
I was also still mad at God and was doing everything I thought was right to figure out what I needed to learn from this experince!