Fertility and where we are now.

Our fertility journey since moving to Mobile has been some what of a rocky journey.  I have had some of the worst experiences at our new clinic.  If you have been following me for a while, you know my experiences with the medical community and how I don't take my health lightly.  We went to our first visit back in April and were made fun of by the office staff because we were late.  We were late due to a flat tire and getting lost.  We didn't get a confirmation phone call that the appointment was still on so we didn't feel that it was necessary to call about being late.   The doctor turned out to be great and we really like him but his office staff not so much.  This has us questioning whether or not we should stay with his practice or move on to someone else. 
The journey keeps getting better (hints the sarcasm).  Our doctor told us to call on the first day of my next cycle so we could do an ultrasound and blood work.  I hadn't been in an ultrasound room since finding out that I was going to miscarry again.  I walked into that room and started crying all over again.  I couldn't believe all the emotions that I would feel again even enough it was not the same room or even the same clinic.  Everything looked great and now it was time to schedule the next test.  I called the next month on my first day (and to get blood work results from the last visit) to not have my phone call returned in a timely matter.  Fertility is solely based on time and time is of the essence.  I left for kid's camp so I wasn't worried about it and would get in the next time. 
I called again in July to schedule my next test only to be told that I had to do more blood work and another ultrasound.  I kept questioning as to why I had to do this again and no one could give me an answer.  We went to have those same test ran again.  It was 4th of July weekend, then the next week we were on vacation so I didn't really worry about not getting my results back.   However, another month passed and I was still waiting on my results.  I finally called left a message with their answering service and would give them 24 hours to return my call.  They didn't and I called back with a much hastier attitude for me to get two return phone calls within 15 minutes.  I finally got my results for them to tell me to call back in another month to schedule my next test.  Well, they were in luck because I was close to when I was needed for the next test.  The nurse panicked and I could tell that she was trying to figure out how to fit me in before Friday of that week.  This was a Tuesday, and she told me that she would call me back by the end of the day to give me my appointment for the next test.
Another 24 hours had passed and she didn't call me back.  I did however get a call from the Pre-Admissions department from the hospital to get information.  I had to ask her when my test was scheduled and she seemed perplexed as to why I was asking her these questions.  She asked if my dr's office had called me with this.  My dr's office hadn't called me with that information and she was the one who told me of my test, time I needed to be there, and time of my test.  I then asked her which area of the hospital we were to go to.  So I finally felt like that this would finally get going the way I wanted it to go.
Friday rolled around and I was sitting in our living room eating breakfast when I get a call from the dr's office.  They are calling me to tell me that I need to come in at 11:45am for blood work before my test that afternoon.  Luckily, I finished my old job the day before and took this whole day off.  So, we run our quick errands that we needed to do, and then drive across the bay. 
We decided not to come back to the apartment in between the blood work and the test.  Good thing we didn't.  I asked the girl at the front desk if there was anything else that I needed to do before my test that afternoon.  She told me no; so we go down stairs to sit in the lobby waiting on 1:30.  We sat down for maybe 10 minutes and I got a call from the dr's office telling me that I had prescriptions that I needed to get filled.  I asked if I needed them before my test and again I was told no.  Not worried about it, Andrew and I sat in the lobby for another 45 minutes or so then decided to go back upstairs to get those prescriptions.  I didn't even finish my sentence before the girl (same receptionist) was pretty much throwing the envelope at me.  We walked out, and I just had this gut feeling that I needed to take these before my test even though I was told that I didn't.  I pulled them out and sure enough the prescription read please take 1 hour prior to your procedure.  I was furious.  It was going on 1:20 and I didn't even have the prescriptions filled yet and my test was at 2.  Andrew had had it by this point and walked back into the clinic to ask how we were to handle this.  She said that that's how they do things and there's a Walgreen's across the street. We fly over to Walgreen's were I apologized to the staff for being rude but I had just gotten a prescription that I needed to take, I needed to take it then, and was now late for my appointment.  The staff was so very helpful and told me to take a deep breath that they would get me out quick. 
Once we got those prescriptions filled, I scarfed down a protein bar so I wouldn't get sick, took the prescriptions, and we head back across the street to the hospital.  Remember I asked the lady on Wednesday where we needed to go.  Yea, well, I went to that location only to be told that we were not scheduled for an appointment.  I told that lady if she didn't get me some answers then I needed to speak to her boss because I had been lied to twice already today and was not in the mood to be pushed around anymore.  I was told the wrong location of the hospital and was now running even more late to my appointment.  I was in tears by this point and ready to give the next person who lied to me a piece of my mind. 
We finally get to the right location only to wait another 20 minutes on getting back to the exam room.  They better be grateful that one of the prescriptions was a Valium and that it had started to take effect.  We finally get in the exam room only to be told that my dr would not be doing my test; the other dr in the clinic would be doing the test.  I had never laid eyes on him much less knew who he was.  By this point, my nerves were shot and I was ready to get that day over with.  The girl then asked if I was pregnant and Andrew said you obviously didn't get the results back from the blood work that was done this morning from my clinic.  Of course she hadn't; why make things easier on all parties involved. 
We wait for nearly an hour for the dr to come down and do the test.  He comes in like no big deal does the test in like 15 minutes, and we're done.  He told us that everything looked great and then left the room.
After all this was done, I don't even know if I want to go back to this clinic much less that hospital.  I have never been so mistreated by a clinic.  I am a special case due to all my medical history and at this point ready to either drive back and forth to Memphis or to go to UAB for treatment.  No one should be treated the way Andrew and I have been; especially by a Fertility Clinic when it's such an emotional roller coaster already.  We have another appointment scheduled for the 23rd and I'm ready to tell him everything and that he's more than likely going to lose us as patients.  This makes me really miss Dr. Kutteh and his office staff. 

How much I have changed since moving to Daphne.

This move has been somewhat difficult for me for many reasons, but over and over again, I have been reminded how much this move has been amazing for Andrew and I.  I have left a job that I loved and moved away from some of my closest and best friends.   I have had some doubts about whether or not this is where we are suppose to be and if I'm here for the right reasons.  I went to a baby shower a couple of weeks go and once I got home I cried due to the fact I miss our Anna and our other babies so much.  I will say it again the fertility journey isn't for the faint of heart.  However, due to these hardships, I have met some of the most amazing women who are becoming some of my best friends.  Andrew and I have been talking about how much we love City Hope because of how real everyone is with whatever is going on in their lives.  I love how open and honest I can be about how much I struggle with not being a mom and know that there is no judgement, and they cry right along with me.

Our message this week has been on Friending and how to be a better friend.  These ladies that I have talked about in the previous paragraph have helped make the move for me so much easier.  With their openness to take me in and make me feel so much at home has been such a blessing to me.  I can't say thank you enough.   To have several ladies now that I barely know to just stop what they are doing to pray over Andrew, myself, and my womb is something I have not really experienced before at church.  Yes I have had people pray over me before surgeries and during small groups but not in a church setting in the middle of the Commons or foyer. I had a lady pray over me on Sunday night and it is very much a blessing.  I feel like I'm learning something new about myself every few days or so.  I'm not the same girl who walked into our first church after Andrew and I got married.  I am not the same person I was two years ago once our fertility journey started.  I'm learning about myself that I need to be a better friend, reach out more, and to be more honest with what's going on in my personal life.

I would honesty have to say that this move has made me go grow up so much more than the move to Tunica/Hernando when we got married.  I also at times haven't been very nice about having to move.  Timehop can be and has been an enemy when a person is trying to put something behind them; such as buying our first home and reliving a happy/sad memory of when I found out we were pregnant for the first time.  Andrew and I are fully on our own and have had to learn more about ourselves.  I have to say that I am more in love with my husband now and to watch him love his job brings me so much joy.  I'm loving how we are able to be more social as a couple instead of just me or him doing something with our friends.  His attitude and over all happiness is something that has been missing from him, and I see him overall in much better place than what he has ever been in.  I'm seeing how much bolder he is in his faith, and it makes me want to be better with him.  There is so much more joy in our lives, and we have been missing that with each other and within ourselves.  I've been seeking God so much more and looking for His guidance, but I'm still not where I should be.

We have our first visit with the fertility clinic in Mobile on Friday.  I still have my moments of whether or not I am ready to fully go down this road.  I am interested in finding out what our chances are of having another miscarriage, which is always on my mind.  I know it's the enemy who is trying to steal my joy and what God wants out of my life.  I dream of caring our children across the beach and reading them bed time stories.  I know it's all in God's time, but I am very much human and my patience isn't always the best. 

Changing of Jobs, States, and Life in General

We have embarked on life thinking that everything would come easy to us.  That we wouldn't have to wait long for what we wanted.  Oh how wrong was I!  Since the end of 2015, I've began to think back over the year and what Andrew and I have experienced.   We've lost loved ones, made new friends, reconnected with old friends, decided to move 4 hours away from home, and lost another baby.  2015 was so different than what I imaged it to be like for us.

Our last baby we decided to have some tests ran to hopefully give us an answer/reason as to why the miscarriages keep happening.  We found out that the baby would have been born with Turner's syndrome and would have been a girl.  I still hurt and cry about all my little ones.  However, I know they have no worry or stress. Due to being so hurt and trying to find peace and healing for our last child, I had a friend point out to me that I haven't given God everything.  I have been crying in church a lot lately.  We had an incredible first Wednesday service where I finally gave all of my hurt and pain from the last miscarriage to God.  Andrew and I talked when we both got home and decided that it would be best to name this sweet child and give her a meaning here on Earth.  We decided to name her Anna, which means favor with God.  She truly has favor for already being in Heaven with her brother and sister (that's what I feel the first two were).  We love our Sweet Anna and can't wait to meet her.  

We have known for a while that we have wanted to move due to Andrew's ideal  job in the Memphis area was beginning to grow a little thin.  I never imaged that God would bring us to Mobile (Daphne actually) for Andrew to work for a church.  I'm so excited to see what God has in store for us and our lives as we join the City Hope family.  I've met so many amazing people.  I'm very excited about living closer to the beach, which we went to the beach yesterday and it was such a beautiful day.  We spent most of the day trying to figure which beach we wanted to go to and ended up at Gulf Shores.  The water was freezing but being able to sit in the gorgeous sunshine with the hubs was the best part. 

I've been very sad about leaving a great job in Hernando.  I've grown to love the boys that I keep as if they are my own.  Having one since he was three months old makes it even tougher.  John Abram will always hold a special place in my heart since he helped so much during all of the miscarriages but especially the first.  Tobias, my sweet loving, Tobias.  You are such an inspiration that you make living with a life threatening illness look easy.  Oliver, you gave me the scare of my lifetime.  I had never had to call 911 on any of my kids.  I'm so glad you're healthy now and the doctors found out what caused you to pass out.  Silas, my sweet Silas.  You are the most laid back person I have ever met.  I hope I can be as cool and calm about things as you are.  Their mothers are angels as well.   Working with me on all my doctors appointments and surgeries.  I hope that whenever my time comes to be a mom that I'm half the mom that each of you are.