Our Rainbow Baby Photo Shoot

Here are a few photos from AJ's rainbow baby photo shoot.  Thanks Aunt LouLou and Kirby for the photo props.

 

AJ's Arrival

Well, AJ decided to come on his own, which made life a little crazy for us all.  On September 28th, I went with my students on a Field Trip to the beach and ended up spending most of the trip in my boss's car with the air conditioning running while having some serious contractions.  I had a constant contraction all the way back to the school.  I didn't think much of it because I had been having contractions for over 8 weeks.  Once back at the school, I decided to go home early.  I was beginning to get a headache and wanted to lay in my bed to take a nap.  So Andrew came down to the school to pick me up.  I took a cold bath to help me relax and cool off.  My nap was amazing and 1.5 hours long.  Andrew got back home about 5:30, and I just laid in the bed resting and still having contractions.  They were inconstant and didn't last very long so I wasn't trying to track them at all.  At about 7pm, I was ready for something to eat.  I walked into the living room to ask Andrew to make me a PB&J and  felt something run down my leg.  I had just gone to the bathroom so I was like oh well maybe AJ pushed down on my bladder, and it was a leak.  Yea I didn't have a bladder leak.  I called Andrew into the bathroom, and he said we had to go to the hospital.  We began to throw what we thought we needed into a suitcase and calling our parents to let them know that I was in labor (Dr. Max had already picked on me Tuesday, Sept. 26th at my appointment for not having my bag packed).  We get in the car and Andrew calmly drives us to the hospital.
I called my Dr's office and talk to the answering service to let them know that I was on my way to the hospital.  Once at the hospital, I walk in and tell the staff that I'm in labor, and they all jump to their feet to take care of me.  The question of the hour was did you drive yourself.   I said no, and my husband was parking the car.  They get me in a wheelchair and within 5 minutes I was being pushed upstairs to labor and delivery.  My nurse, Judith, walked me in my room and started asking all the important questions and did an exam.  The exam didn't really prove that I was in labor.  However, I was having some serious contractions, and they weren't going to send me home until those stopped.  We were talking for about 45minutes and filling out all the paperwork, when I felt something running down my leg again.  She does another exam and sure enough I was in labor so she called the on call dr.   I was about 1/2cm dilated and about 80% thinned.  He came in and was amazing.  He said we will have a baby by 11pm (it was like 9:15pm when he said this).  Andrew called Matt to see if he and Kirby could rush to the hospital.  They make it just in time.  Judith started me on antibiotic as soon as the dr left the room.   We were having a baby that night.  My head began to spin about all the stuff I hadn't done yet, as in taking a tour of L&D, filled out paperwork, and finished organizing all AJ's new clothes.  I didn't have time to panic over the whole procedure, which helped me stay calm about all of it.  Andrew and I call our parents to let them know the update.  Then the prep for Andrew and Matt began.  I was rushed off to the OR, while Andrew and Matt waited in the hall.  I began to get anxious as I was wheeled into the OR.  They all talked me through everything that they were doing and made me relaxed as I could be.  After about 15minutes, Andrew and Matt came into the room.  Andrew watched the whole procedure.  He loved watching everything.   After about 5 minutes of them being in the room, I heard the most beautiful sound in the world; a baby's cry.  My baby's cry.  It was amazing.  I started crying and so did Andrew.   I then asked did he have hair.  They said yes and asked if I had had a lot of heartburn, which I did. Matt captured the most beautiful photos.  Andrew went over to AJ and helped get him cleaned up.  That's when we found out that AJ was having trouble breathing.  He breathed in a lot of fluid on his way out, which was causing him to breath faster than he liked.  He's APGAR was a 7 then a 9 on second assessment.    He stayed in the NICU for the first 3-4 days to help with his breathing.  If we wanted to see him, we had to go to him.  He was finally able to nurse Monday and came at it like a champ.  He's been amazing and we can't get enough of him.  I'm still overwhelmed that he's actually here.  Here are a few photos from his arrival. 

Thanks Matt and Kirby for being there with us and for the beautiful photos.  For this child we had prayed, 1 Samuel 1:27.  Our rainbow baby had finally arrived. Andrew James "AJ" was born on September 28th at 10:58pm, weighing in at 6lbs and 3oz and 19 inches long. 

Dates that need to be remembered.

We prayed the entire year of 2016.  Nothing happened, which made me believe something else was wrong, but we didn't find anything in any of the tests that were ran.  Just a year of waiting, praying, and learning more about myself and God.  The song that is going through my head as I type this,  He's in the Waiting. Oh how I cried the first time I heard this song.

Over the last few months, our lives have changed so much.  We found out on Valentine's Day that we are going to have a baby.  This came as a huge shocked to us and made us very excited all at the same time.  We were able to get in to the dr. the very next day.  We saw a small dot on the ultrasound, and hormone levels were great.  We told a few close friends our exciting news and kept it a secret from our families until we knew for sure that this was going to work.  Having a miscarriage history can and will take the fun out what is suppose to be a very exciting time.  We waited anxiously for our next appointment two weeks later.  Again, we saw another little (but bigger bean) growing right before our eyes.  Crying while looking at the screen and hearing the heart beat was all I could do.  I couldn't believe it was really going to happen this time.

 Our next appointment was scheduled for March 3rd, and we had planned a trip to Tupelo for the 10th visit family.  We decided that if everything looked well; we would tell our parents while we were home.  It just so happened that Andrew's dad was in town.  We told our families and watched them cry with tears of joy as we were finally going to have a child of our own.  They all began to pray with us that this baby would make.  Our appointment to check for Down's Syndrome went well.  Everything was going great.  After this we decided, it was safe for us to make it Facebook official. 

We have had plenty of time planning on how we wanted to announce to the world that we were now pregnant.  We had this planned with Anna, since we found out during football season.  We decided to honor Anna and keep this plan with this baby, after all the baby will be born right in the middle of football season. 

Unique was just around the corner, and I love this conference.  Two years ago, Andrew's interview, was my first Unique.  During this conference, I was about to miscarry our third baby, Anna.  One of the speakers prayed over ladies who were/are struggling with miscarriage, child loss, and infertility. Last year's (2016), another speaker prayed a similar prayer. At the end of this conference, confetti was launched to end the conference to celebrate a great conference.  During both of these conferences, I cried for what I have lost and if I would ever be able to have a biological child of my own and wondering how long our infertility journey would last.  Unique 2017 was very different.  I was pregnant and over the first trimester.  Something I have never experienced.  I cried during the whole first session as I remember that God cares for me and loves me and this child I'm carrying.   The whole year of waiting was/is worth it.  It gave me a chance to grow and learn my new surroundings.  This God showing me that He wants so much more and knows way more than I do about my future.

Our next appointment was coming up, and it was getting close to being able to find out the gender of Baby G.  Due to insurance issues with my previous dr., we changed drs.  I was very nervous because I didn't know if they were going to let us know with it being our first visit with them.  While in the ultrasound room, the tech was super nice and asked us if we wanted to know the gender.  Of course, we said yes.  I would not be able to make it to delivery with not knowing (I like to plan what I can).  She also asked if we had done the anatomy scan to check all of the baby's organs.  She gets started, and I can't hold back the tears.  My sweet baby had grown and has a strong beautiful heartbeat.  She tells us to close our eyes to go over the gender.  I promise I did not look but knew in my heart that this was a boy.  We wanted to plan a big party but due to timing, we weren't able to.  We went with something simple and special just the two of us and our closest friends, Scotty and Lindsey.  This appointment fell on a very important day for Andrew and I.  The date is May 19th.  May 19th eleven years ago, I graduated high school, and Andrew proposed on this day.  On May 19th, 2014, we found out we were going to miscarry our first baby.  It needed to be a day of happiness again, and it was because we were able to find out the gender of our fourth baby.

I didn't want to do something traditional, or something that has done over and over again.  I was talking with my boss/friend about it.  She mentioned that since Andrew's a lighting guy, why not do something with the church's lighting.  So we went with it.  I love how this turned out.  This is the full video that our friend, Lindsey, took on her cell phone. 

If you notice at the beginning, I mention Unique confetti.  Being pregnant this time has now come full circle.  God is all over this pregnancy and will see me to the end.  This is why Unique is so special to me.  It reminds me when  I least expect it, that God is always working on a plan to make things better for me and even when I feel like He's not there.  This is a sweet baby boy, who is loved by so many, in Tupelo, Hernando, Mobile, and around the world.  His name is Andrew James, in which, we will call him AJ.  He's named after Andrew and Andrew's grandfather, who passed away the summer before we got married.  He's been named for over 5 years, but we have been waiting on his arrival.

AJ is due to make his arrival, October 17th, which is his Aunt LuLu's birthday.  She's beyond excited to have a birthday buddy.  He is due the day after my birthday, and I've always said that I would love to be a mom before my 30th birthday.  I have a feeling he's going to come before my birthday, but God does have a sense of humor. 

Times have changed

Since my last post a lot of things have changed.  Andrew and I had our hash out session with our dr to let him know what all had happened since starting his clinic in April.  The nursing assistant has been fired from the clinic.  I hate that someone had to be fired but fertility, treatments, and the life that comes with it; isn't fun when you're constantly in an up roar with just trying to get simple things done.

While at that appointment, we discussed what options would be best for Andrew and I to do.  We chose to start fertility treatments and were able to start that day.  We had our first ultrasound of this round and found a cyst on my one of my ovaries.  He said it was fine and would go away on its own.  So we go home and begin treatments.  Boy, I was definitely wasn't ready for all the hormonal changes that I would go through.  I had hot flashes and would freeze Andrew out of the house (which hardly ever happens).  I began a hormotional (hormonal and emotion all together which I got at an Infertility Workshop) roller coaster.  Then I had the stress of having to change the mail order pharmacy because our insurance didn't prefer the one that our doctor recommended.  It was one mess after the other.  I spent hours on the phone to get everything switched over and have it delivered on time.

I went back to the doctor about a week and half later for an ultrasound to see if it was time for me take the next step in this round of treatment.  My numbers were not high enough, and it was normal for them to not be high enough.  I go back two days later, and we find a huge cyst had developed and that I wasn't able to take the next step of this round of treatment.  I was devastated and scared as to what this cyst might be.  We had possibly missed our window for the month.

During all of this,  we have done a lot of praying and talking a lot about what we really should be doing to grow our family.  On the day of my first ultrasound, it was a First Wednesday at church.  We have a big service with all our campuses and have guest speakers from time to time.  I wasn't really feeling up to going so I watched online.  The guy was great and at the end of his message he started to talk about adoption.  He told a beautiful story of how a child needed a loving family and how he and his wife kept telling everyone that if God placed a child on their door step (so to speak) that they would adopt again.  God placed a child in their arms so easily.  I was a mess listening to this story.  Andrew and I have been having this feeling that we should look into adoption and help a child that needs a loving family home.

This message came a week before our church launched a group called Orphan No More.  Andrew and I went to the interest meeting over the summer.  We both felt that the message from First Wednesday was what God wanted us to hear to make us attend the classes that were offered that month.  We have finished the class and have a completely different look of adoption than we did before.  We are not starting the process to get a band-aid baby.  We both want a child to help him/her grow into a productive young man or woman.   At these classes, we've gotten a lot of our questions answered and feel so much better about what it's like to adopt. 

Over the last few years, I/we have gotten so much advice and suggestions.  I tried some and now I'm tired of trying to have the perfect body shape/size, relax, eat right, exercise, sleep well, and not to focus on it.  When you've been in this boat for as long as we have tried a lot of these, but I can't help but be human.  What a person needs during this time in their lives is prayer.  At times, this has taken it's toll on our marriage and on my emotional and mental health.  I'm tired of trying to fit the mode of what it looks like to be just the right size, less stress level, patient, and all of that.   God doesn't call us to be perfect and fitting that mode makes it even more stressful for me.  I've been told to just have fun but when a person who knows that it's only a 23% chance if that for a woman to get pregnant every month.  That statistic blows my mind as I look around and see how many pregnant women that are actually out there.  I'm tired of the stress that fertility treatments have added to my family.  We  are not starting our adoption process to stop the idea of ever having a child of our own.  There's a reason as to why God wants/ed us to go down this journey of fertility, and we are beginning to maybe finally get to where God wants us to be, which is that we are to adopt first then maybe have on of our own.  I have had the heart for adoption since our second miscarriage but wasn't ready to really look into what it meant to adopt.  We have had deep meaningful conversations with our parents about what adoption looks like for us and how they would support us through this journey.  I know adoption can be long and stressful but for me I know there's a baby at the end.

With all that being said, we feel lead to adopt internationally.  I have a huge heart for Thailand and the Thai people.  There is an agency that helps with adoptions from Thailand.  I almost cried when I found it.  While visiting several years ago, I heard a baby cry in the market and wanted to hold the child badly.  This was after my first miscarriage.   After many days of prayer during our fast, we feel lead to adopt from Thailand.  Our journey is about to begin, and I'm so excited to see where it is going.

Please be in prayer for us as we begin our Adoption Journey.  I'm excited about God has in store for us.

Fertility and where we are now.

Our fertility journey since moving to Mobile has been some what of a rocky journey.  I have had some of the worst experiences at our new clinic.  If you have been following me for a while, you know my experiences with the medical community and how I don't take my health lightly.  We went to our first visit back in April and were made fun of by the office staff because we were late.  We were late due to a flat tire and getting lost.  We didn't get a confirmation phone call that the appointment was still on so we didn't feel that it was necessary to call about being late.   The doctor turned out to be great and we really like him but his office staff not so much.  This has us questioning whether or not we should stay with his practice or move on to someone else. 
The journey keeps getting better (hints the sarcasm).  Our doctor told us to call on the first day of my next cycle so we could do an ultrasound and blood work.  I hadn't been in an ultrasound room since finding out that I was going to miscarry again.  I walked into that room and started crying all over again.  I couldn't believe all the emotions that I would feel again even enough it was not the same room or even the same clinic.  Everything looked great and now it was time to schedule the next test.  I called the next month on my first day (and to get blood work results from the last visit) to not have my phone call returned in a timely matter.  Fertility is solely based on time and time is of the essence.  I left for kid's camp so I wasn't worried about it and would get in the next time. 
I called again in July to schedule my next test only to be told that I had to do more blood work and another ultrasound.  I kept questioning as to why I had to do this again and no one could give me an answer.  We went to have those same test ran again.  It was 4th of July weekend, then the next week we were on vacation so I didn't really worry about not getting my results back.   However, another month passed and I was still waiting on my results.  I finally called left a message with their answering service and would give them 24 hours to return my call.  They didn't and I called back with a much hastier attitude for me to get two return phone calls within 15 minutes.  I finally got my results for them to tell me to call back in another month to schedule my next test.  Well, they were in luck because I was close to when I was needed for the next test.  The nurse panicked and I could tell that she was trying to figure out how to fit me in before Friday of that week.  This was a Tuesday, and she told me that she would call me back by the end of the day to give me my appointment for the next test.
Another 24 hours had passed and she didn't call me back.  I did however get a call from the Pre-Admissions department from the hospital to get information.  I had to ask her when my test was scheduled and she seemed perplexed as to why I was asking her these questions.  She asked if my dr's office had called me with this.  My dr's office hadn't called me with that information and she was the one who told me of my test, time I needed to be there, and time of my test.  I then asked her which area of the hospital we were to go to.  So I finally felt like that this would finally get going the way I wanted it to go.
Friday rolled around and I was sitting in our living room eating breakfast when I get a call from the dr's office.  They are calling me to tell me that I need to come in at 11:45am for blood work before my test that afternoon.  Luckily, I finished my old job the day before and took this whole day off.  So, we run our quick errands that we needed to do, and then drive across the bay. 
We decided not to come back to the apartment in between the blood work and the test.  Good thing we didn't.  I asked the girl at the front desk if there was anything else that I needed to do before my test that afternoon.  She told me no; so we go down stairs to sit in the lobby waiting on 1:30.  We sat down for maybe 10 minutes and I got a call from the dr's office telling me that I had prescriptions that I needed to get filled.  I asked if I needed them before my test and again I was told no.  Not worried about it, Andrew and I sat in the lobby for another 45 minutes or so then decided to go back upstairs to get those prescriptions.  I didn't even finish my sentence before the girl (same receptionist) was pretty much throwing the envelope at me.  We walked out, and I just had this gut feeling that I needed to take these before my test even though I was told that I didn't.  I pulled them out and sure enough the prescription read please take 1 hour prior to your procedure.  I was furious.  It was going on 1:20 and I didn't even have the prescriptions filled yet and my test was at 2.  Andrew had had it by this point and walked back into the clinic to ask how we were to handle this.  She said that that's how they do things and there's a Walgreen's across the street. We fly over to Walgreen's were I apologized to the staff for being rude but I had just gotten a prescription that I needed to take, I needed to take it then, and was now late for my appointment.  The staff was so very helpful and told me to take a deep breath that they would get me out quick. 
Once we got those prescriptions filled, I scarfed down a protein bar so I wouldn't get sick, took the prescriptions, and we head back across the street to the hospital.  Remember I asked the lady on Wednesday where we needed to go.  Yea, well, I went to that location only to be told that we were not scheduled for an appointment.  I told that lady if she didn't get me some answers then I needed to speak to her boss because I had been lied to twice already today and was not in the mood to be pushed around anymore.  I was told the wrong location of the hospital and was now running even more late to my appointment.  I was in tears by this point and ready to give the next person who lied to me a piece of my mind. 
We finally get to the right location only to wait another 20 minutes on getting back to the exam room.  They better be grateful that one of the prescriptions was a Valium and that it had started to take effect.  We finally get in the exam room only to be told that my dr would not be doing my test; the other dr in the clinic would be doing the test.  I had never laid eyes on him much less knew who he was.  By this point, my nerves were shot and I was ready to get that day over with.  The girl then asked if I was pregnant and Andrew said you obviously didn't get the results back from the blood work that was done this morning from my clinic.  Of course she hadn't; why make things easier on all parties involved. 
We wait for nearly an hour for the dr to come down and do the test.  He comes in like no big deal does the test in like 15 minutes, and we're done.  He told us that everything looked great and then left the room.
After all this was done, I don't even know if I want to go back to this clinic much less that hospital.  I have never been so mistreated by a clinic.  I am a special case due to all my medical history and at this point ready to either drive back and forth to Memphis or to go to UAB for treatment.  No one should be treated the way Andrew and I have been; especially by a Fertility Clinic when it's such an emotional roller coaster already.  We have another appointment scheduled for the 23rd and I'm ready to tell him everything and that he's more than likely going to lose us as patients.  This makes me really miss Dr. Kutteh and his office staff. 

How much I have changed since moving to Daphne.

This move has been somewhat difficult for me for many reasons, but over and over again, I have been reminded how much this move has been amazing for Andrew and I.  I have left a job that I loved and moved away from some of my closest and best friends.   I have had some doubts about whether or not this is where we are suppose to be and if I'm here for the right reasons.  I went to a baby shower a couple of weeks go and once I got home I cried due to the fact I miss our Anna and our other babies so much.  I will say it again the fertility journey isn't for the faint of heart.  However, due to these hardships, I have met some of the most amazing women who are becoming some of my best friends.  Andrew and I have been talking about how much we love City Hope because of how real everyone is with whatever is going on in their lives.  I love how open and honest I can be about how much I struggle with not being a mom and know that there is no judgement, and they cry right along with me.

Our message this week has been on Friending and how to be a better friend.  These ladies that I have talked about in the previous paragraph have helped make the move for me so much easier.  With their openness to take me in and make me feel so much at home has been such a blessing to me.  I can't say thank you enough.   To have several ladies now that I barely know to just stop what they are doing to pray over Andrew, myself, and my womb is something I have not really experienced before at church.  Yes I have had people pray over me before surgeries and during small groups but not in a church setting in the middle of the Commons or foyer. I had a lady pray over me on Sunday night and it is very much a blessing.  I feel like I'm learning something new about myself every few days or so.  I'm not the same girl who walked into our first church after Andrew and I got married.  I am not the same person I was two years ago once our fertility journey started.  I'm learning about myself that I need to be a better friend, reach out more, and to be more honest with what's going on in my personal life.

I would honesty have to say that this move has made me go grow up so much more than the move to Tunica/Hernando when we got married.  I also at times haven't been very nice about having to move.  Timehop can be and has been an enemy when a person is trying to put something behind them; such as buying our first home and reliving a happy/sad memory of when I found out we were pregnant for the first time.  Andrew and I are fully on our own and have had to learn more about ourselves.  I have to say that I am more in love with my husband now and to watch him love his job brings me so much joy.  I'm loving how we are able to be more social as a couple instead of just me or him doing something with our friends.  His attitude and over all happiness is something that has been missing from him, and I see him overall in much better place than what he has ever been in.  I'm seeing how much bolder he is in his faith, and it makes me want to be better with him.  There is so much more joy in our lives, and we have been missing that with each other and within ourselves.  I've been seeking God so much more and looking for His guidance, but I'm still not where I should be.

We have our first visit with the fertility clinic in Mobile on Friday.  I still have my moments of whether or not I am ready to fully go down this road.  I am interested in finding out what our chances are of having another miscarriage, which is always on my mind.  I know it's the enemy who is trying to steal my joy and what God wants out of my life.  I dream of caring our children across the beach and reading them bed time stories.  I know it's all in God's time, but I am very much human and my patience isn't always the best.